back in the ham

for a while, when I left Bellingham I wondered if I would ever be drawn back to this area. I know that I enjoyed the 2 years I spent living here, but until this return trip I didn't fully reflect on all of the things I learned while living here. I have been able to see how much I have grown in several aspects of my life thanks to this place.

I gained independence. I remember crying in my car on the drive out here with my back seat crammed full of possessions. I questioned what the heck I was doing, why I was going so far from home, and hated that I didn't have a passenger to help ease my mind and reaffirm my decision. When I arrived though, I knew that if I survived the drive I was ready to handle whatever else this place would toss at me.

I developed a deeper desire for real relationships. I was forced to get to know people, and more than ever in my life before I was forced to be vulnerable. There were a few people who provided the opportunity for me to share my life with them, and also offered insight, encouragement, and prayer. Through the process of opening up to people, I learned which aspects of my life needed attention. Its sort of beautiful and strange to choose what parts and details you share with basically complete strangers and watch while they become your closest friends.

I learned what areas of my faith were 'blurry' or undefined. Being surrounded by an amazing community of people willing to share and struggle through things is almost unreal. Listening to opinions of other people, Biblically based or not, (Western is a liberal arts school, some of my GURs were far from Biblical, but still contributed to my education) really forced me to realize that there are just some questions that I don't know the answers to. Pointing these areas out was surprisingly...therapeutic...it made my prayer life more valuable and more of a priority. Not only that, but I was also able to tap into the knowledge of others and pick their brains and hear what they thought of things. Anyone who has been to Bellingham can attest for the general "openness" and willingness to not only share opinion, but listen. I was thankful to have genuine friends to listen and help me learn that it was ok to vocalize questions about faith issues. I was also pleased when several of them had similar concerns, and even more 'validated' when i realized that it was alright to not know the answers.

I cooked and baked for some of the most incredible people I will ever meet. I have a burden (or gift, depending how you look at it) of trying new recipes and finding eager stomachs to devour my creations. I also was raised in a family where cooking was a shared responsibility and meal time was where we caught up on each other's lives. But that is beside the point, in Bellingham, especially in the surprisingly small '2-butt' Turtle kitchen, I served meals and desserts and salads and friendship and gained conversations that will stick with me forever.

Another thing I can credit to Bellingham is learning the value of belonging to a church. Mostly, what became clear in Bellingham is that I require recognition and affirmation. What I mean is this: if I am scrubbing the toilets, baking pans of enchiladas, sitting in the same seat every Sunday for months, passing out bulletins, serving communion, and greeting other church members at the door, please don't introduce yourself to me every single Sunday. At least say, "I have seen you before, but I can't remember your name." or something similar. I require a church family that will welcome me and acknowledge me. Maybe that is selfish? An area that needs cleaning up, perhaps. But I definitely learned to value the church family I was developing at the INN and at home at Rimrock.

So thanks Bellingham. Mostly for providing me with this trip and time to reflect and acknowledge these changes in my life. Isn't it funny how God uses struggles to shape us into exactly who he wants us to be? I love looking back at the challenges and praising him for getting me through it, and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude at his abundant grace and omnipotence when he reveals the meaning for certain things. I'm ready for what comes next.